I miss...

The in-between..

Divinubo Island, Samar 2007

"Always leave room for the 'God space' so that

after you have done all you possibly can,

God has room to work"

-Anonymous

While I'm waiting...

While I'm waiting
John Waller
Fireproof Soundtrack

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Such a timely song during these times. Truly, The Lord is sovereign. He knows the perfect timing in everything. A couple months ago, I was questioning Him as to why and how my plans weren't falling into place. He was simply, silent. I insisted on what I desired and what I thought He desired for me. I sought Him. He was simply quiet.

It wasn't until a recent calamity which finally opened my mind to why He was silent all throughout these months. A delay was His way of saying, "I love you. I care for you. I want to protect you."
I was just in awe. Why, Lord, I asked? Why? For someone who was impatient, who wanted her own timing, who thought that her plans were unchangeable...Still, you chose to keep me safe.

I have stopped asking why. Every now and then, I would think about the what ifs and the what could have been. Yet every time, I always go back to that same thought of how wide and how deep your love is for your child.
Yes, Lord you continue to amaze me with your character.

It is very clear that you are teaching me the value of patience, of utmost trust and of surrender to your will. I am slowly learning to grasp what it means to let you be the author of my life story.
I am understanding how you at times, intentionally do not reveal immediately your plans so I would get to appreciate each and everyday of my life.

Yes, Lord. I surrender to your call. Now I know how it feels to yield your heart to His call.
I feel a sense of relief as I finally let go of that key. I know that He will unlock it in the proper time, when I am most ready.

I am waiting because I believe that You know what is best for me.
I am waiting because I trust that You will give me the desires of my heart as I desire you first.
I am waiting because You are worth waiting for.

Back to Back

My first team relay race with my friends and co-teachers, Teacher Jill and Teacher Tessa.

Race and Shine Marathon,

Fort Bonifacio

We joined this team race for fun. We started jogging around UP after our preschool class and then when I read upon this upcoming race, I invited them. They were both excited. We didn't have enough time to train together but they both practiced around UP for a week. While I trained in the multi-level parking lot near our house.

On the day of the marathon, we each had to run 1k around Bonifacio Highstreet. Teacher Tessa went first, then Teacher Jill and then I went last. What kept us motivated was the mere sight of children running against us! (talagang hindi kami papatalo! hahaha). Yes, we finished the race in less than 30 minutes! Thank you Lord.

Congrats to my teammates. For first timers, they did incredibly well!!

Stillness

Commit your way to the Lord
and He will establish your plans
Proverbs 16:3

The beauty of being still in His presence.
The assurance that He knows what's best for you.
When you heart is truly at rest, that's stillness at its best.

It is easier to direct your own paths, to take in control of your life.
Yet, at the end of the day, it gets too tiring, it just simply, gets too much.
The choice of letting go and letting God lead the journey still proves to be the better option,
Indeed, at the end of the day, it gives a calming reassurance and peace
that passeth all understanding.

Thank you Lord for a cause to pause.
Thank you for making me still in your presence.
Thank you for gladness in my heart.

:)

A year of definition

This comes as a late birthday post.

A good friend sent me a long message for my birthday and one of the most striking points she mentioned was that, she is praying not just for discovery but definition in all aspects of my life. I was smiling while I was reading through her letter. It was the same thing that I wrote early on in my journal.

On my 26th year, I asked God specifically for definition in the path that He has chosen for me. It means, a growing vision and desire in the things that make me come alive. I pray that I would never lose the focus in learning more about my field and how I could be of service in what I love to do. Likewise, I believe that I have come to such a phase where it is now my time to share more to others-whether it be time, knowledge, experiences, resources or even a simple friendship, because truly, God has blessed my life.

Someone asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I can't really think of any in specific. I feel that God has given me so much, even those that I never even asked for. Sometimes, I am just in awe of how He has molded me year after year with all those life experiences and opportunities.

I am realizing that as more years are added to your life, you come to a point when you simply thank God for another chance to be in this world, to enjoy great relationships, and to live out your life's purpose. Another birthday is just another bonus from God. Another year is experiencing His grace, firsthand.

I always thank God for individuals He has placed in life, who continuously encourage me and inspire me to live out His wonderful design for me. I thank God every time I remember them. You know who you are. Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

It's my prayer that every year, I would live out what the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 92:14 "They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green."

Three and counting...:)

Waiting for the sunset...

Enjoying the beauty of life

Are much more fun when shared with someone..

On our 3rd year, I thank you God for your guidance and faithfulness.

I am just in awe of how you continue to mold us through these years.

Thank you for giving me someone who can lead me and love me well.

:)

Finding alternatives...

I miss running. Biking either on the stationary bike or around the village is incomparable with the thrill of running. Since our sports complex is closed due to the recent deluge in Marikina, I haven't ran for the past three weeks. I can't even go to UP since we don't have an extra car that I could use. Well, I thought of other alternatives so that I could get some form of exercise.

Last Tuesday, I tried out the multi-level parking lot in a nearby mall. I used to walk and jog here with my dad and his friends every morning. I walked all the way from our house going there and then back. I walked all the way up then jogged down. I felt good.

Today, I challenged myself to run all the way up to the fourth floor. Wow, it felt even better:) The cool breeze was perfect for today's run.

Times like these, we need to be resourceful in order to stay healthy. :)

Readiness

Lord, I pray for wisdom and focus for tomorrow.

You know the way that I should go:)

Amen.

What's next?

In his heart, a man plans his course
but the Lord determines his steps
Proverbs 16:9

He drives. He molds. He gives. He leads. He loves.
The Driver. The Potter. The Giver. The Leader. The Father.

I: the passenger, the clay, the receiver, the follower, the daughter.

Power Run...

My last marathon was April of this year. I'm looking forward to another one this Sunday. My third one. It has almost been a year since I first challenged myself to try out running. A year after, I'm still continuously challenging myself to lengthen my distances and to build on my endurance.

There is something about running that draws me to it. Probably because it was running that kept me "sane" and "healthy" all throughout my grad school experience apart from my personal walk with God and close relationships. Memories of running after working all day on my thesis or taking a long stride uphill so I could take time out from LA's fast-paced life are just some of these great moments. All of these are but memories that have deepened my love for this sport.

That is why, I have encouraged friends, family and loved-ones to try it out. Running and joining marathons are a different thing yet if you are the type of person who loves challenges and who enjoys taking risks every now and then, then why not try it out. At least, once in your life, you did something outside your comfort zone.

Come and join me as I run. :) It will be all worth it!

New Balance Power Run on Sunday, September 27 @ Fort. 5:00 am

If you have nothing to do after work on Tuesdays, my co-teachers/friends and I have started running around the UP acad oval in the afternoon. (before 5:30 pm)

If you are within Marikina area, I run in Marikina Sports Center MWF and as long as it is not raining.

Just not yet....

Last Friday night, I received a surprise message from an organization. They invited me for an interview on Tuesday. I was overwhelmed. It has always been one of my dreams to work for them. I actually listed in my life long dream list....# 21. to work for _______. I remember sending my resume two years ago and then last June. I simply tried it out, knowing that it would be very impossible to get a post in their organization.
What a surprise, indeed.

In a little while, I will let them know that I will not be available for the interview. Why? Why let go of an opportunity to work for my dream job? Why now? I know in my heart that God has prepared me for something else. This job is not meant for me yet, for now.
At this moment, my heart desires something else. A good friend said, "maybe when the timing is right, I could apply there again...".

True. My heart rejoices in God's surprises. Thank you for letting me experience the excitement even for just a split second. My heart jumps in glee for He teaches me the beauty in waiting for His timing. But more importantly, my heart rests in the thought that He does not withhold His plans for me and He slowly reveals it to me, day by day.

Extra..Extra!

When the new day begins

Lord, Your mercies are new again

How my heart overflows with thanks to my King

When the night closes in

I'm so grateful You are my Friend

You said that You'd never leave

and Lord I believe -- Lord, I believe

All your promises are true

I will lift up my eyes to You

For You're all that I need

And by faith I receive

the wonderful things You will do.

All your promises are true;

I will lift up my eyes to You.

When my heart starts to fail,

Lord, Your strength will prevail,

And all You have said You will do

Your promises are true

-Shannon Wexelberg, "All your Promises are True"

Thank you Lord for today. Another holiday.

I so badly needed this extra day to just relax and to be still in your goodness.

At 5:00 A.M.

The past days, I have been waking up quite earlier than the usual time.
It seems like that my body clock begins at 5:00 a.m.
I love early mornings.
Where everyone is still asleep. No text messages. No calls. No noise.
Complete silence.
I like waking up early. I would normally take a peek outside our lanai and just check on the weather for today. I like feeling the morning dew and the cool breeze.
Stillness.

I realized that adding an extra hour to my schedule changes the pacing of my day.
I badly need this extra hour to spend more time with the Lord and to prepare myself for the challenges that today will bring.
Readiness.

At 5:00 a.m, day in and day out, I always realize the goodness of the Lord.
The reality that His faithfulness is new every morning.
Another life He gives graciously and lovingly for a purpose that He only knows.

Thank you my dearest God.

I shall meet you at 5:00 A.M.

Walking by Faith and not by Sight

Trusting even when it appears you have been forsaken;
praying when it seems your words are simply entering a vast expanse
when no one hears and no voice answers;
believing that God's love is complete and that He is aware of your circumstances,
even when your world seems to grind on as if setting its own direction and not
caring for life or moving one inch in response to your petition;
discerning only what God's hands have planned for you,
waiting patiently while seemingly starving to death...
"this is the victory that has overcome the world,"; this is
genuine faith indeed
-George MacDonald

Lord, it's not about Me, after all. It is about You.
It is only by your Grace and Love that you heed our requests and reach out to us.
Not on any other grounds.

"In his heart, a man plan his course but the Lord determines his step" (Proverbs 16:9).

Education outside the box

Traveler, there is no road.

The road is made as one walks

Antonio Machada

Among the many other principles that my parents instilled in us, it would have to be exploring and discovering the world that made such a huge impact in my life. We are blessed for opportunities to learn about other countries not just through books or stories but through real life experiences. Thank you to my dearest Mama and Papa for taking us to awesome adventures.

Studying and living abroad has enabled me to look at the world with the third lens. It has given me such an excitement to know more about other cultures but more importantly, to appreciate my very own.

When I came back to the Philippines a few months ago, I told myself that it would take me a long time before I would leave this country again. Homesick, perhaps, but there is really something about home that draws you to it. Some friends have invited me for a quick vacation outside the country but I instead suggested that it would

be more worthwhile to tour the Philippines.

Honestly, I wanted to take a break from traveling. In the past two years, I have lived a commuter life. A fast-paced one, day in and day out. I took the public transportation to anywhere that my feet would take me- to school, to work, to adventures. Tiring most of the time, but they were outstanding experiences. And so, I have postponed any vacation for next year.

Apparently, my timeline didn't work out the way I planned it out. Thanks to PAL for their frequent flyer deals. I learned that I need to avail of my miles before they all expire. So, in a month's time, I will be going on a vacation to a country that I have always wanted to visit. Perhaps, it's because of my heritage or maybe, it's just simply, my love for their food and (Jet Li) haha:)

Truly, Once a traveler, always a traveler.

:)

Day by Day

One of my favorite hymns, written by Karolina Sandell-Berg in 1865

Day by Day

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid; “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made...

This song was inspired by 2 Corinthians 4:16, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly, we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

Life's passion.

Borongan, Samar 2007

Apart from working with children, one of the things that I could probably do for the rest of my life is to be a researcher.

Here was a picture of my first out-of-town trip as a documentor for a non-government organization. With my good friend, spearheading the early childhood education arm of that organization, she invited me and another friend to fly to Samar to facilitate a training for Day Care workers.

Our team was composed of the consultant and two facilitators (one coming from Pangasinan and my friend). As a documentor, I had to take note of everything that happened throughout the training. This also meant bringing the laptop (which I borrowed from my cousin's and mind you, it was so heavy) wherever we went (whether we were taking that bumpy jeepney ride to another barrio or touring this quiet yet captivating province.
We went wherever my dearest friend would take us-from the nearby plaza to the remote island in Samar.

Whenever I think about that trip and look through our pictures, I am always reminded that I met great people, who with the meager resources available to them, still find a way to make teaching Filipino children a meaningful experience. It was an adventure that stirred in me the love for my own country and the challenge of transforming lives- one child at a time, one parent at a time, one teacher at a time, no matter how impossible it seems to be.

It will always be one of those trips that assured me that I could go beyond my comfort zone at least once in my lifetime.

It paved the way for me to discover my other life's passion.

P.S. Special thanks to Teacher MCA for inspiring me to be a life-long researcher. I first met T. MCA in U.P. where we collaborated together for a preschool outreach project. I then worked for T. MCA as her research assistant. She then became my thesis adviser, prayer partner and mentor.

Deeper.

The deeper you get, the sweeter His grace
-John MacArthur during his sermon on
"Blessed are the poor in Spirit"

The beggar. We see their hands wide open on a lonely street. We see them very persistent
just so they could grab a coin from us or some of our leftovers.
We avoid them. We run away from them. We pity them.
But never do we admire their attitude of patience, of intense persistence and utmost
optimism that they will survive for now, for a day.
I wonder how and where they derive their willpower to do so.

John MacArthur likened the poor in Spirit to a beggar. He points out that a person who is poor in Spirit is someone who thinks less of himself, who is in constant wonder of blessings in his life, who recognizes that everything happening to him is because of God's grace and love for him.

I honestly believe that we tend to forget. Just one blow of circumstance or difficulty, we shrink. Just one unfavorable situation, we lose sight of God's faithful track record in our lives. I easily forget.

I thank God for these gentle thugs in my heart.
Simple yet life-changing reminders.
Truly, as one digs deeper into his soul,
he begins to realize the wonder of being alive in this unpredictable and challenging times.

Dash!

I miss my running buddies...

Glendale Downtown Dash Marathon 2009

Till we all run again...:)

A step of faith.

For I know the plans that I have for you,
declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,
and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me
with all your heart.
I will be found by you
Jeremiah 29:11-13

What I love:)

One of the things that I enjoy doing either during early mornings or late afternoons.

Running.

It's best time to commune with God.

I would definitely do this until I get old.

P.S. I don't live near the beach, though. This is just a picture of my dream running haven:)

:)

Love is patient.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13

Joshua Harris reiterated in his book, Not even a Hint, that "God has made men and women gloriously different, We were made to complement each other. We have different strengths" (p.84).

The past 2 years and 7 months have been the best times of my life. Three years ago, I would have probably seen life in a narrower perspective. Three years ago, I would still be in my comfort zone. I'm glad that I trusted God and His plans for me.

In the span of three years, God has enabled so many opportunities for growth, for discovery and for steps of faith. He has chiseled me and molded me so I would appreciate life and the individuals He has given me to the fullest.

I would love to write about every individual that I have been with all these years but for now, I am drawn to dedicating this post to someone who has walked with me through moments of friendship and relationship.

To Mike,
Thank you for the amazing adventure.
Thank you for inspiring me to take steps of faith,
to embrace life's challenges with courage and humility,
Thank you for the little things that you do that make me smile.
Thank you for leading me and loving me well.
Most of all, thank you for walking with me as I discover God's heart
day by day.

Lake Merced
San Francisco, California
February 2008

The sense of wonder...

There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

-Albert Einstein

Wonder. I remember seeing my toddler students' eyes light up every time they see a bug crawling on the sand.

Wonder. I remember hearing the five-year old boys in my class screaming excitedly when they see the raindrops dripping on our school window pane.

Wonder. I remember peddling the bicycle while my three year old student sat on my lap and she later exclaimed, "Wow. Look at the water flowing from the side tracks."

It's saddening that as we grow older, that child-like character slowly fades.

Have we become too busy that we no longer recognize the beauty of His creation?

Have we become discontent with the simplicity of life that we crave for more "exciting" things?

Stuff bought, stuff invented, stuff that limit our attention and box our creativity?

Do you still wonder and gaze at His beauty?

My hope is that we would never lose that sense of wonder in our lives.

Working with all your heart:)

This is an excerpt from the book, Now what? God's guide to Life for Graduates by John Ortberg. I got this copy from Ross, one of my favorite stores in L.A. The moment I read the first few pages, I knew that I shouldn't let go of this book. Why? Because it transformed my perspective and attitude towards my work and why my work truly matters to God. It instilled the values of excellence and joy in what I am passionate for.

Read on...

Work in itself is a part of what God does. God creates and he made us in his image to do work, to create. That's a real good thing. And God says over and over again in the Scripture, "I want you to excel at what you do. I want you to abound. I want you to take the gifts and talents that I've given you and develop into the fullest potential you're capable of. I want you to discover the deepest passions that are hardwired into you, and I want you to fan them into flames. I want you to make a difference in this world."

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might" -Ecclesiastes 9:10.

The very best thing we can hope for is, when we get to the end of our lives, to be able to say to God, "I abounded in the work you gave me to do. It may or may not have looked impressive to other people. It wasn't perfect by a long shot. But whatever my hands found for me to do, I really did try to do with all my might..."

"He sought his God and worked wholeheartedly, And so he prospered"- 2 Chronicles 31:21.

(Ortberg, 2004, p. 11-12)

One at a time.

I am the Lord your God,
who
teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go
Isaiah 48:17

I marveled at the beauty of this creation.

In the same way, my heart is in joyful anticipation of how God will use my life as He fulfills His great purpose.

His faithfulness and stillness captures me, again and again...

:)

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray."-Rumi


Today marks a month after I submitted my thesis and finished all my coursework for school. Parang kailan lang.
I am still overwhelmed how time flew by so fast and that after a year and a half, I am finally done with grad school.

I am learning that as we go through the motions of life, we sometimes forget to dream and to again, believe in those dreams.

Since I now have more time in my hands, I found myself rediscovering my passion in life.

It's refreshing to again remind myself of what makes me come alive and furthermore, where my heart truly belongs. :)

:)

Thank you Lord for such breath-taking creation...


and most of all,

Thank you for letting me share it with someone...

In my dreams...

One of the places in California that I have always wished I could visit someday...

Napa Valley

There is something about this place that draws me to it. The scenery? The tranquility it exudes? The taste of wine and cheese? Its good reviews? Perhaps, perhaps.

That, I would only find out when I get to experience it myself. :)

Stillness..

"With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He causes me to stand on the heights." (Psalm 18: 29, 33 TNIV)

I always go back to this verse, whenever I need to be still during uncertain situations.
It amazes me how the Lord could give you so much strength that no wall is ever too high to be reached.
What overwhelms me even more is how He could lead your every step so that you could not just stand on the heights but admire the horizon beyond it.

I only have exactly 9 days to work on my thesis. With April 1st deadline growing nearer each day, and with my other adviser still not being able to give me her feedback, I am slowly becoming restless as to whether I could finish everything on time. Yet, the Lord continuously comforts me through prayers of family, encouraging words from mentors and friends- that nothing is impossible with Him.

Every 4:30 pm, I turn off my laptop and begin my afternoon run. I take my mind off my thesis and use the time to settle my fears with God, wrestle my anxieties with Him and to simply thank Him for each small task that I accomplished for the day. Every afternoon, I am reminded of the Lord's faithfulness as I feel the cool breeze that touches my face on every stride, as I see those towering mountains behind the trail, and as I behold the sun that sets, because all of these signal that the Creator is in control of everything- no matter how big, or how small it could be.

So as the days progress, I resolve to take it one at a time.
Being still and knowing that my God is bigger than my thesis.

My thesis chair sent me an email the other day, where she wrote these words:

"Tanya, remember He has brought you this far. He will not let you down. Remember that."

I used to be...


a "walker" (if there is such a term)...I could walk for miles-uphill, downhill, from one block to the farthest block and even for hours...(especially if the next bus for class and work was taking so long). I found it to be a very relaxing form of exercise.

But, summer of 2008, I challenged myself to become...



a "runner", since I was looking for an activity that could energize my body, soothe my mind, as I work on my thesis. I started with running a few blocks from the house, and then I wondered how it would feel like to run uphill. So, I tried it out...

At first, It wasn't easy, since I also had to deal with extreme weather conditions-either it was too hot during the summer (blame it on Global Warming Phenomenon), or it was too chilly during the Fall season, which meant that I was either sweating profusely or I was having brain freeze. And not only that, I had to set time to do this amidst the demands of being a graduate student, an intern, and living independently.

My initial attempts grew from failed attempts, to more attempts, and soon, I was progressing to having more successful attempts. A mile became two miles, and so on, and so forth.. A thirty minute run around the village became twenty minutes, and then less...

What's my point, here?

I am encouraging you to try something new and challenging. I've always thought that I could never go beyond walking. I've always believed that running is a task beyond my own capability. But my recent experience changed such notions.

I realized that it begins with taking a step of faith outside your comfort zone. Whether it is learning a new skill or saying sorry to someone, or even, as simple as listing your 2009 goals, what matters is that at least once in your life, you challenge yourself to do one thing that will actually move you forward:) It is never too late.

This year, I look forward to joining my first ever marathon. (Lord, kaya ko ba to? hehehe).

Special thanks to Ate and Papa for giving my first ever pair of running shoes. For the longest time, I've been using a set of shoes that was unfit for running. (Dati, wala. Ngayon, more than what I asked for. Tig-isa pa sila. Thank you, thank you:)